I just read this article in the Atlantic entitiled “20-Somethings are in Trouble” by Faith Hill (here is the link but it is behind a paywall) that talked about recent research showing that young adults currently have the highest rates of anxiety and depression of all age groups. With all the focus on teen mental health issues, this was somewhat of a suprise on one hand, on another, though….we, at TBC for CBT are seeing lots of “failure to launch” young people. The article cites legitimate reasons these young people struggle….their peer group has scattered, career pressures, and realistic financial barriers which forces them to live at home which leads to even more stressors related to loneliness and family conficts and sense of failure. There is the Student Debt crisis, low unenmployment, and unaffordable housing among other factors. In addition, there is the dialectical dilemma of the myth that the 20’s are “suppose to be” a carefree time of excitement and discovery, versus the realities of the inevitable conflicts that come with the tasks of navigating this new stage of parent/child relationships and expectations, difficulties finding jobs, confusion about careers, identity issues, and relationships. The isolation is also enhanced by the fact that young adults are waiting longer to partner and have children than older generations. I have often heard my own peers make comments that romantacize this time of life as we forget the angst and challenges we went through. Also, it IS much harder now. This attitude gaslights the young adult as they are judged and judge themselves for not achieving more. Thus the term “failure to launch”.
This is a call to all “grownups” to let go of the judgments and become more mindful of the realistic cultural and societal changes from when you were that age. Don’t expect they can manage this stuff on their own….they don’t have the skills and the deck is stacked against them. Validate the struggles and balance your own dialectical dilemma of how to help versus enable your young adult to develop those skills and gradually get the confidence they need to succeed. The things that will help range from family members getting support and guidance on how to balance that delicate task, modeling and teaching the young adult how to recover from mistakes and that failure is not that black and white concept that can create such hopelessness. The definition of failure is simply “not achieving that particular objective” so remind them that we all can either learn and grow from mistakes or allow them to take us down. Young adults need a safety net and older adults they can count on to share their worries and challenges without judgment so they will be better able to hear your wisdom and suggestions. On a broader scale, it would help if there were more structured social activities provided through libraries or in other forums for that age group, more mentoring programs, internships, and ways to reduce the debt from higher education, whether from techical schools or colleges. Counseling that focuses on building skills AND providing validation and support can also be helpful. We all have skills strengths and deficits, and DBT skills and individiual and family therapy and support groups can be helpful to help the young person and family successfully move through this stage of life . Have a fun holiday weekend! Mindfully, Nancy